Hopping the LIRR To (C)Hicksville

The Long Island Railroad, and its boozy late-night riders, got some harsh treatment on How I Met Your Mother the other night.

The cad Barney hatches a plan to pick up women on the “Drunk Train”–the last train out of Penn Station and heading for Long Island–after hearing Lily describe it as being chock full of women “desperate to hook up with anything that moves.”

With Barney’s knack for prurient wordplay, the train becomes the “Whorient Express,” the “Long Island Tail Road,” the “Little Engine With Wood,” “Slamtrak,” the “Chattanookie Choo Choo,” even “Thomas the Spank Engine.”

“Where has this heavenly vehicle been all my life?” he wonders.

You can watch it here.

The women on board are portrayed, as women of Long Island often are, as salty slags with Joey Ramone South Shawwr accents. Barney and his wingman Ted are having no luck on board, the Island gals pegging them for elitist tools. Like so many on the real drunk train, they end up falling asleep well short of Ronkonkoma.

But the third time on the Drunk Train is the charm. Barney and Ted figure out the missing link: Getting as drunk as the women on the Drunk Train.

Back in real life, Fox 5 dedicated an investigative segment to this same Drunk Train.

“You might think you’re in a frat house,” Andrea Day reported. “Believe it or not, this is the Long Island Railroad on a Sunday night.”


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