A Handy Field Guide to Metro-North Commuters

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The February edition of Westchester Magazine has a funny little “Field Guide to Metro-North Commuters” in it from John Korpics. The writer commutes from Waccabuc (uh, top 5 funny Metro-North station names…maybe top 3), and has come up with nine different species of Metro-North rider.

Here’s a taste:

Cellphonica obnoxium

A person whose need to make small talk on the phone supersedes your need for sanity. I was looking through some old drawings of medieval torture techniques the other day (like you’ve never done that), and I came across one that was particularly disturbing. It showed a man whose arms and legs had been pulled off by horses, his eyes had been gouged out, and someone was laughing while pouring hot liquid into his disemboweled stomach. Now imagine that the guy laughing and pouring the liquid is me, and that one of the severed arms is holding a cellphone…
Distinguishing Characteristics: Look carefully for the numbers 666 somewhere just beneath the hairline.
Warning: This rider can be dangerous if antagonized with a sarcastic comment (trust me). Overheard phrases can include: “Nothing, what are you doing?” and “I am so bored.”

Foster’s twofisticus

A commuter who boards the evening train with two 22-ounce, motor oil-sized cans of Foster’s beer. Yes, that’s 44 ounces of beer for a 45-minute train ride. If he drinks an ounce a minute, he still has an extra minute to pee! Subject also has been observed spilling various snack foods on his lap and not caring. Have you ever seen that scene in North by Northwest in which Cary Grant orders a Gibson in the dining car of the train and then charms the pants off of Eva Marie Saint? This is the complete opposite of that.
Distinguishing Characteristics: Untied tie, un-tucked shirt, sits near the bathroom.

You can even see Trainjotting’s shameless plug in the Comments section at the end!  

As it turns out, Korpics, who’s creative director at Fortune Magazine, has a Metro-North commuting blog called My Effing Commute. And we thought we had the only one out there!

Like Trainjotting, My Effing Commute revels in poking fun at fellow riders. Unlike Trainjotting, MEC has the nerve to shoot photos of the commuters its making fun of.

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