The B-I-T-C-H is Back

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Some transit-related eavesdroppings from Overheard in New York.

Loud black girl on cell phone: You know where the train station is, where all them homeless people live? Yeah, that’s where I go get my hair done. She doesn’t fuck my hair up, because I told her, “you best not fuck my hair up.” And now she never does. (chuckles)

–LIRR

Mom to son, after looking through his phone: Who is in your phone as b-i-t-c-h?

–M60 Bus

Guy with teardrop tattoo: Dude, moonshine is awesome. It’s 99% alcohol and 1% liquor.

–L Train
 

Conductor: Please stand clear of the closing doors. (pause) Please stand clear of the closing doors. (pause) Station police officer, please apprehend the man holding the doors in the 6th car. (pause, then doors close) Hahaha, that always works.

–B Train

MTA engineer: Please use all exits. For the love of god, people, use all the doors to get out of the train. What the fuck, people, use the doors. Thank you.

–G Train

Conductor: Please stop holding the doors. (people continue to hold doors). I’m already on the clock, I have nowhere to be.

–A Train

Disgruntled subway conductor: Listen up, y’all! This train needs to move! Do not try to hold open the doors! Do not run at closing doors! Do not stick anything in the doors! That includes arms, legs, obnoxiously expensive purses, children, animals, whatever! Let’s go!

–1 Train

Conductor: Please stand clear of the doors or it will bruise yo face.

–C Train

Thirty-something black man to Catholic high school girls: So what’s it take for a couple of black guys to get to play with y’all’s skirts?

–Metro-North

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This entry was posted in Conductor, L Train, LIRR, Metro North. Bookmark the permalink.

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