Loud black girl on cell phone: You know where the train station is, where all them homeless people live? Yeah, that’s where I go get my hair done. She doesn’t fuck my hair up, because I told her, “you best not fuck my hair up.” And now she never does. (chuckles)
Mom to son, after looking through his phone: Who is in your phone as b-i-t-c-h?
Guy with teardrop tattoo: Dude, moonshine is awesome. It’s 99% alcohol and 1% liquor.
Conductor: Please stand clear of the closing doors. (pause) Please stand clear of the closing doors. (pause) Station police officer, please apprehend the man holding the doors in the 6th car. (pause, then doors close) Hahaha, that always works.
MTA engineer: Please use all exits. For the love of god, people, use all the doors to get out of the train. What the fuck, people, use the doors. Thank you.
Conductor: Please stop holding the doors. (people continue to hold doors). I’m already on the clock, I have nowhere to be.
Disgruntled subway conductor: Listen up, y’all! This train needs to move! Do not try to hold open the doors! Do not run at closing doors! Do not stick anything in the doors! That includes arms, legs, obnoxiously expensive purses, children, animals, whatever! Let’s go!
Conductor: Please stand clear of the doors or it will bruise yo face.
Thirty-something black man to Catholic high school girls: So what’s it take for a couple of black guys to get to play with y’all’s skirts?